March 18, 2010
Perspective: Mobile Phones Have Ruined My Game
“How mobile phones have ruined dating and why everyone should want the ability to be completely blown off.”
A little caveat first. I am the co-founder of a technology start-up. Now I know technology has the ability to make our lives better, more efficient, and if entrepreneurs like me do our jobs correctly, eventually more fulfilled. Which is why any of us who are still dating should throw away our mobile phones right now. Mobile phones have ruined dating for good. I know this may be a controversial argument, but hear me out.
For those of us over the age of twenty (my sister is in college so I'm using her as my watermark), we may remember a time not too long ago when everyone had a home phone. Tethered to a long curly cord, you would talk into the receiver with words both gentle and harsh for long hours into the night. If you were talking to your girlfriend or boyfriend you would sometimes just sit on the phone not saying anything while you independently went about your own tasks. This was the golden age of dating - the golden age of being stood up.
Just like the 1950s and handwriting, there once was a time when it was possible to arrange a date with someone to meet at a place and time and for that person to just never show up, never to be heard from again. A blow-off. A waiter asking if he should remove the extra table setting. A bottle of wine for two already poured now a bottle for one. A sad song playing in the background as the camera pans out in the crowded restaurant on the one lonely soul sitting by himself. But was it so sad?
Just think of the information you have because of this stand up! You know categorically that this person is out. You know instantly and without a doubt that you can move on to greener pastures. No time wasted, no second guessing. You may be mad that they decided that sharing an experience with you was less important than whatever they were doing at the same moment, but hey, you had a nice bottle of wine, you ate food (which you would have done regardless), so net net, with all this extra information you now have about this person I'd say you're up on the night. Now fast forward to today.
I'm assuming you have made it past the first step of actually getting someone's phone number. What happens next? In today's world you have to then navigate through an intense and carefully structured set of Byzantine digital dating rules. I’m going to list a few of them:
1. You absolutely cannot call the person. It's almost the equivalent of stalking or heavy breathing on a late night phone call.
2. No Gchat before maybe the third or fourth date, if not longer. Gchats are the death knell of a blossoming romance.
3. You have to send a clever, funny, and bold text message. Maximum 160 characters. Anything longer smacks of desperation. Too bold is too Wall Street.
4. Do not reply to a response quickly. In the age of instant digital gratification, making them wait for responses is good.
5. I’m not even sure what to do about Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or BBM. My gut says don’t touch them – they’re like Gchat.
Those are just a few of the rules and to be honest, I’m constantly seeking the advice of wiser digital dating gurus (aka my sister).
So now you've sent your witty 160-character text message. What ensues is a masterful game of cat and mouse, of push and pull. Clever digital notes passed back and forth across the mobile airwaves with the intention of laying groundwork so you can entice them into seeing you in the physical world. At least I think that's what most people want. This entire stage in the dating process is only made possible by the mobile phone. And because people use their mobile phones for everything nowadays, there are an infinite number of legitimate excuses for why messages were not received or responses delayed. You think maybe their battery did die which means that they still want to see me…
In the event that you do make plans to meet non-virtually, there are always only two options for what happens next. A) They will actually meet you as planned or B) they will not meet you as planned but will inform you and cancel/change the plans prior to the date taking place. What I mean to say is that there will ALWAYS be information about the situation in real time exchanged through mobile devices. Actually showing up to a pre-arranged date and the other person pulling a no-show and not communicating anything just doesn't happen anymore.
You no longer have the gift of categorically verified information about a person's uselessness in one night. Today if someone changes plans you now have the possibility of having a "text" relationship with someone for weeks and months without ever seeing them. I propose that this is not too dissimilar from prison pen-pals. One day you will be granted parole.
Solution? If ladies just answered their phones when a guy they liked called, then that seems to solve the whole problem. But that’s what, too easy? Maybe we need an iPhone app that prioritizes your contacts based on potential chemistry so low priority matches go straight to voicemail, middle priorities get sent an automatic pre-written text and higher priorities get coveted access to your real live text message. I’m sure I’ve just made a developer a million dollars with this idea.
Or you could just answer your phone.
(Author's note: as I write this a girl that is to be unnamed (Jenna) has blamed her blackberry service for not sending me the email that was supposed to tell me our plans had changed. A digital stand up. But it wasn’t her fault; it was her corporate email account… Maybe she'll read this, feel guilty and actually call me.)
Jesse Solomon is the Co-founder of RightsCube – the online source for all of the world's film and television rights information. RightsCube enables media buyers more purchasing power and enable content owners access to a larger pool of potential buyers than their traditional sales channels would allow. He can be contacted at jesse [at] rightscube.com











